What the heck is a 'cross dressing transsexual'?

I haven't seen the film Taking Woodstock yet, so I'm not sure if the character of Vilma, portrayed by actor Liev Schreiber, is a crossdresser or a transsexual woman. But I have my doubts that Vilma is a "cross dressing transsexual," as reported in a film review on News 8 Austin.

I could be wrong. Perhaps she is MTF and dresses in men's clothing, which would then, I guess, make her a crossdressing transsexual. But I'll bet she doesn't.

Although there are some people who would beg to differ based on their own definitions, I consider myself a transsexual. I have been on testosterone for over 12 years and had chest reconstruction 11 years ago. All my paperwork says "M" (for male, not for miscreant). And, although I do not, if I occasionally or frequently put on a dress, a wig, and makeup, I would consider myself a crossdressing transsexual.

I do know some trans men who do drag, but that is not crossdressing. Drag is a performance art. It is entertainment for the stage. Crossdressing is not.

But my guess is that what makes Vilma a "cross dressing transsexual" in this film reviewer's eyes is that she is female and dresses as female ... umm, sort of like what most women do.

Otherwise, if she truly is a crossdresser, then she's not a transsexual. But now I'm so confused that I simply can't go on.

If reporters keep this up, I can have a whole blog of "what the heck is a" entries. Last week, we talked about "a transitioning," a mythical creature that frequents the restaurants in San Diego. Now we have a "cross dressing transsexual."

If anyone has seen Taking Woodstock, can you clear this up for me? Thanks much.

(Photo: Liev Schreiber as Vilma from the Focus Features Web site)
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What the heck is 'a transitioning'?

Language is forever evolving, but this has got to be the most bizarre reference I have ever seen.

Keli Dailey of Street, a San Diego events and entertainment Web site and part of the San Diego Union Tribune, says that a good first-date restaurant is a place where "the cute guy/girl/transitioning/transsexual sitting across from you will instinctively know you're pitching woo."

Okay, I can live with "pitching woo," but the problem for me is that we've got four entities here: a guy, a girl, a transsexual--and a transitioning.

Huh?

First of all, I've known guys and I've known girls. And I've known transsexual people who are men, women, trans men, trans women, FTM, MTF, and sometimes even genderqueer--not designating any specific gender.

But I have yet to meet a transsexual person who just identifies as a transsexual, with no other gender or sex designation. I have never sat across from someone in a restaurant--or anywhere else, for that matter--who has said, "I'm a transsexual. That is my sex. That is my gender. I'm just a transsexual. That's it."

Now I'm not saying that there aren't people out there who do identify in that way. But somehow I have a feeling that it's rare enough that people on a first date don't have to worry much about sitting across from a transsexual as opposed to a guy or a girl.

However, it's the dreaded "transitioning" that first-daters might want to be on the lookout for. I personally don't know any transitionings myself, but obviously they are poking around the restaurants of San Diego waiting for their dates.

Now if you happen to be sitting across from a transitioning, what exactly do you say? What kind of dinner conversation do you have?

"Wow. So you're a transitioning, huh? I've never met one before, but you know, you could never tell. I never would have guessed. You look so normal. You pass for human really well."

"Why, thank you. We transitionings have lived among you for some time. We were originally going to take over the planet, but then we decided that we really didn't want it. You've turned it into such a mess that we could never get it fixed up. So we kind of gave up and just decided to spend our time eating out in San Diego."

"Good plan. We've got some great restaurants here."

And so it goes.

If any transitionings are reading this and are offended, I apologize. Next time I'm in San Diego, I'll buy you dinner.
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Trans at the class reunion

Every 10 years, my little graduating class (about 200) from Spencer High School (in Spencer, Iowa) has a class reunion. I've been to all of them--three so far, since I graduated in 1972.

At the 10- and 20-year, I was a female, and at the 20-year, I was an unfortunate female, because I had colored my hair and it turned out bright burgundy. On top of that, I had a perm, so it was bright burgundy frizz--sort of like a wine cooler gone bad.

In 2002, I went to my 30-year class reunion as a male. I was skeptical. This was a small town in the middle of the northwest Iowa farming community, and even though Iowa has a much more conservative reputation that it deserves, Spencer has never been a bastion of liberalism. Although many of my classmates had left for greener (and larger) pastures, many had stayed behind on the already-established pastures of the area.

I had warned them. I told the reunion committee about my transition when I filled out the advance questionnaire that they sent. But not everyone would read the little reunion book before they ran into me, and even with advance notice, I wondered how people would respond.

I had a lot of scenarios in my mind, from hostility to ostracism, because why not work up a good drama before anything actually happens? But when I got there, I found out that I had basically underestimated just about everyone.

Certainly, I was a curiosity to some. And I couldn't help but think that the "Most Changed Since High School" award that had been given at the previous two reunions was left out on my account (people might have complained that it was rigged). But they all couldn't have been more friendly.

The reunion committee had made badges for everyone with our high school yearbook photo and name at graduation. They also wrote Matt on mine and assured me that I didn't have to wear it at all if I wasn't comfortable, but of course, I wore it.

The gossip at first was that the whole thing was a prank, but that soon subsided. Those who really knew me in high school knew that I wasn't nearly creative enough to pull off something like that. The fact is that it was both a big deal and a very little deal.

These people were no longer the high school kids that I knew. These were adults. They had lives. They had friends there who they wanted to see, and interests that they wanted to talk about. While it's true that I got some attention--some people talked to me who wouldn't have even looked my way in the halls of Spencer High School (I was not particularly popular back then)--I was not the main attraction. I was just one of those people who had changed an awful lot.

If I make it to 2012, I will go back for the 40th. At each reunion, the memorial table has more and more photos displayed, and someday mine will probably be there as well.

My surviving classmates will probably look at my high school yearbook photo on the memorial table with the others and someone will say, "I remember her." Someone else will say, "Didn't she become a guy?" And someone else will say, "Jennifer who?" And that will be my legacy at Spencer High School.

If you have transitioned, have you gone to your reunion at some point afterward? What happened?

(Photo: my high school yearbook photo)
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Trans Etiquette: No apologizing (well, not much)

One of my commenters last week said something that really resonated with me. Although she's not particularly bothered with being part of "you guys," it becomes annoying to her when someone who knows her past uses the term casually and then, remembering her past, falls all over him- or herself to apologize or explain.

Something similar happened to me, and it was truly the apologizing that became the annoyance. I spend some time with a particular group of gay men who call each other "girl" and "she." These are typical references for some men in the gay community. In the course of such a conversation, one of the men referred to me as "she." It was in this context, and I knew exactly what he meant--he had never known me as a female and had never slipped up on pronouns. This was gay male conversation for this particular group.

I thought nothing of it, other than that I was being included as one of the "girls," until he remembered that I was trans and then proceeded to launch into a lengthy explanation that I didn't need because 1) I hadn't taken offense, and 2) I already knew what he meant by it.

I have said this before, but I think it bears repeating: there are ways for non-trans people to handle legitimate slip-ups or legitimate non-slip-ups that don't involve making a spectacle of you or me.

1. If "you guys" or "girl" or "she" was not a slip-up at all, then there's no reason to apologize. Don't treat me differently than you would treat someone else in the same situation.

2. If it was truly a slip-up, and by that I mean use of the wrong pronoun as an accident, then my suggestions are these:

If we are alone, say, "I'm sorry," and let it go. Don't apologize and apologize with the hope that I will respond and make you feel better. I probably will say, "That's okay," but I'm not going to keep saying that forever, so the conversation can go like this:

You: "I said to myself, 'I'll take these to Matt because I know she likes chocolate.' Oh, I'm sorry--he."

Me: "That's okay."

You: "Anyway, here's your chocolate."

Me: "Thanks." And it's over.

Now in my opinion, this does not apply in a group. In a group, there is no apology, no beating yourself up, no begging forgiveness. If you stop to apologize, you will end up outing the person you are apologizing to if others in the group do not know that this person is trans. The bigger deal you make, the worse it will be for me or whoever you have screwed up about.

In a group, you ignore it and move on. You find a way to use the correct pronoun as quickly as possible, but without making up some forced comment that allows you to use it. Use it when it comes naturally again in the conversation.

If someone else has noticed your slip-up and comments on it--"You just called Matt she!"--you can say, "Gosh, I'm more tired than I thought I was!"

Everyone can slip up. It's how you handle it that shows whether or not you are more concerned about receiving absolution from me (or whoever) so that you can feel better, or if you are more concerned about maintaining both your dignity and mine in a social situation.

What do other people think?
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'You guys,' 'dude' and other confusions

I recently found out that "dude" is now a gender-neutral term--or maybe a better way to say that is "a term to refer to any gender." I don't use the word myself, because it came into widespread use after my time.

Yes, we had Mott the Hoople's "All the Young Dudes" (one of my all-time favorites, because I was 17 and wishing I was a young dude), but the band was definitely referring to young men. Nowadays, everyone is calling everyone "dude"--young men, young women, and probably everybody else.

The equivalent of that in my generation might have been "you guys"--I don't know how long that particular phrase has been around, but I know that I started using it when I was a kid, and have continued to use it through yesterday. I probably always will.

"You guys" were my parents (a male and a female), my friends (all females), and any combination of genders that happened to be in a group. As I grew up, the phrase never went away, and it never meant "male" to me.

"You guys" is different from "a guy." "A guy" is a man. I would never look at a woman and say, "See that guy over there?" But I would say, "Do you guys want to go with me?" to a group of women. Why it's different, I don't know--maybe for the same reason that women are now called "dude."

But my "you guys" habit of speech--which is so ingrained that I often don't notice it--might be offensive to some trans women, who don't realize that I don't see them as "guys," but as "you guys"--an entirely different thing.

I thought about this the other day when I was taking a picture of two trans women, and I said, "Can you guys stand over here where the light is better?" I know these women very well and I've known them for a long time--there's nothing male about them. I didn't think about it at the time, because the term is just part of my speech, but I worried later that they might be offended. They're my age, so they may have grown up with "you guys" as a term that referenced everyone--but that doesn't mean they liked it.

Certainly, if I was standing with another trans guy and someone said, "Can you gals stand over here where the light is better?" I would probably be offended--or at least irritated. But, in another example of male terms, clothing, behaviors, and what have you, being acceptable for women, but not the other way around (which I consider to stem from misogyny--or at least sexism), "you gals" never transcended gender like "you guys" did in my youth and like "dude" apparently does now.

I'll never have to worry about saying, "Dude, where's my car?" to anybody, but "you guys" is firmly entrenched.

I would like to hear from people--particularly women--about their feeling about "you guys."

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Trinidad assault suspect not local

A small amount of new information has surfaced in the brutal attack on a trans woman who had traveled to Trinidad, Colorado, to consult with noted surgeon Dr. Marci Bowers.

The Denver Post reports that, while no arrests have been made, the primary suspect is not from Trinidad. The Post says that non-trans residents of the city pride themselves on their city’s respect and acceptance of the many trans people who live there and who come to Trinidad to meet with Dr. Bowers for consultations or surgical procedures.

Dr. Bowers herself told the Post that the Trinidad community is very accepting of the trans community. "[T]here's just a respect and a tolerance for this population that's unique," she is quoted as saying.

It will no doubt be a relief for many people to know that the suspect who is being investigated for this violent attack is not from Trinidad, and that the police and the district attorney’s office are taking the case very seriously, even though the victim herself is not from the city, either.

Hopefully, an arrest will be made soon and more details will become available.

Now, for a couple of cringe-worthy asides:

1. District Attorney Frank Ruybalid is quoted as saying, "I think a lot of people, when they meet a transgender patient, are surprised at how normal they are."

Well, yes, we are pretty normal — and I have to admit that a couple of non-trans people have actually expressed their surprise about that to my face. But the statement still makes me squirm, and it makes me hope that, eventually, people will stop being surprised by that fact.

2. The reporter says that the town responded to the attack "as if the victim was just like any other person in the community — which, in Trinidad, she was."

But not anywhere else? Only in Trinidad was she like any other person in the community? If this attack had taken place somewhere else, would the woman be considered unlike other community members? Is this supposed to be heartwarming?

Asides aside, thank you to the Post and to the reporter for updating us on this important story. And here is a new report from The Pueblo Chieftain in which Dr. Bowers responds to the assault.

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In the News: Kate Lynn Blatt

A Pennsylvania trans woman has filed suit over her employer’s request that she provide a photograph of her genitalia in order to return to work.

Both The Advocate and the Philadelphia Gay News (PGN) report that Kate Lynn Blatt was let go from a temporary job in 2007 and then refused further employment through Manpower, Inc., a staffing services agency, until she produced a letter from a surgeon and a photograph of her genitalia to document male-to-female surgical procedures.

A Manpower branch manager, Irene Kudziela, apparently told Blatt that the photograph would solve problems related to restroom and locker room issues.

Blatt refused to supply the photograph, calling the request “repugnant” and “disgusting.”

Blatt filed complaints with the Pennsylvania Human Relations Commission against Sapa, the temporary employer who let her go because “she was not physically well enough to work at the job,” and against Manpower. It now appears that she is filing a lawsuit as well.

This is obviously outrageous. For any employer to think that it is acceptable to ask an employee for photographs of genitalia or any other part of that person's body that is covered by clothing--as a condition of employment or for any other reason--is appalling.

Very few people--trans or not--would get a job if we were judged based on our naked body. But to even request such a photo in this situation is so incredibly offensive and such an incredible violation of this woman's privacy that it leaves me speechless (almost).

One thing that so many non-trans people don't understand is that we make assumptions every day about what's under a person's clothing, but we simply do not know for sure. Unless we become intimate with that person, we will never know, and we have no need or reason to know.

Not knowing about the genitalia of the person checking me out at the grocery store, running my lab tests, or even signing my paycheck suits me just fine. I couldn't care less about the naked bodies of my coworkers or the person next to me in the bathroom stall (except maybe that cute guy at the restaurant the other night ...).

And my boss is the last person who needs to know what I look like in the shower. A person's genitalia has no bearing whatsoever on how well that person can perform his or her job.

Blatt hopes to become a diversity trainer to teach others about working with the trans population. I hope her first client is Manpower, Inc.

(Photo: Kate Lynn Blatt)
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Dan Savage: transsexual people and our past

I may not always agree with Dan Savage, but I love his advice column. And I was interested in his very to-the-point response to a recent letter.

The question is: Do "post-op" trans people have an obligation to tell their lovers "that they were once the other sex"?

Savage's answer is: Yes.

I've never particularly cared for the terms "post-op," "pre-op," and "non-op," but those aren't Savage's words, and that's for another blog post.

And while there are probably quite a few people who are in a position not to have to tell their lovers, I'm certainly not. Unless my "lover" was satisfied with very little loving, he or she would know my birth sex in relatively short order (and I do mean short).

FTM surgical techniques have improved substantially over the years, but even for those guys who have had extensive genital surgery, it might be difficult to keep that fact from someone who wants to get very, very close. I don't know, though--I've seen some really good results lately. But I'm pretty sure a gay man would figure it out.

My understanding is that MTF genital surgery provides a far better result in terms of appearance and functionality. Some women have told me that even their gynecologist can't tell the difference. So some MTFs might be in a better position to never have to come out to a lover.

But regardless of how great our genitals might look, it seems to me that this is a pretty monumental thing that we have gone through, and something that has some substantial implications for a potential partner--as well as for who we are.

I'm not necessarily talking about a one-night stand, although my own personal philosophy is to come out if it even appears that there might be physical intimacy--or even a second date--on the horizon. Yes, I risk rejection before a person has even gotten to know me, but people get rejected for all kinds of reasons--better, in my opinion, to know where the other person stands right away.

Personal safety is another reason that I am inclined to come out as soon as possible (some people can get pretty nasty when they get a surprise they don't like).

Even more important, a truly intimate relationship involves a lot of give-and-take and a lot of sharing. If I'm hiding my entire past from someone, then how intimate is that relationship? If I have to say I was in the Boy Scouts instead of in the Girl Scouts, and to dismiss my two marriages (to men) and a host of other past realities, then what is that relationship based on?

And if I have to live every day of my life in fear that my lover might discover my past, how comfortable will I really be in that relationship? And what happens if my lover ever finds out? The results could be devastating for both of us.

I don't need to tell a lover that I once had my gall bladder out (although I probably would, in case I was ever unable to speak for myself and that person needed to know my past health history--and, anyway, gall bladder surgery is always a great conversation starter).

But for him or her not to know that I lived more than half of my life as a female--well, that seems a little more serious. But then, I don't have the option not to come out, and I know that many people do.

What do you think?
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Trans woman attacked in Trinidad, Colorado

A trans woman was brutally attacked in a hotel room in Trinidad, Colorado, in July, as reported by the Pueblo Chieftain.

A man apparently forced his way into the woman's room after seeing her in the lobby, sexually and physically assaulted her, attempted to drown her, attempted to electrocute her in the bathtub, then bound her hands and feet before leaving. The man also used anti-gay slurs during the attack.

The woman was in Trinidad to consult with Dr. Marci Bowers about surgery, according to a follow-up report, which says that such violence against trans people is rare in Trinidad, a town that has a higher-than-usual trans population for its size and a great number of trans visitors every year who come to town for surgical consultations and procedures.

The brutality of this attack--along with the anti-gay slurs used--indicates that it was not a random attack and that the woman was targeted because she is trans. Trans people, and especially trans women, are particularly vulnerable to this kind of violence.

It is surprising that it happened in Trinidad. I have been to Trinidad and the people are very friendly, but I am not particularly visible as trans. I am more generally seen as a gay man. But I know many trans women who have spent time in Trinidad and have been treated very well. The non-trans residents are used to seeing trans people, and the businesses in town are used to providing services to trans people.

I have lived in Colorado for twenty years. We have one of the oldest gender centers in the country--the Gender Identity Center of Colorado. We have an annual conference here--the Colorado Gold Rush--that is very popular among trans people, particularly trans women. And we have a large and very visible trans community, and organizations, both trans-specific and GLBT, that offer a wide range of services to trans people.

This kind of violence does occur, in Colorado and everywhere, but I have found our state to be, overall, relatively trans friendly. Trinidad is a beautiful little town, and Dr. Bowers is an accomplished surgeon. I hope that people will not be afraid to come here.

The Colorado Anti-Violence Program (CAVP) is in contact with law enforcement in Trinidad and is monitoring this situation. They are a good, hard-working group of people, who, like the rest of us, want to see an end to this brutality that continues to be inflicted upon trans people for no other reason than that we are living our lives, just like everyone else.

Some people apparently think that we have less of a right to do that.
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All a-Twitter over social media

I put off using social media for as long as I could (this is not off topic--it will just take me a minute to get there).

I was one of the last people on earth, I think, to put up a MySpace page. Then I got to Facebook and found that the rest of the world had already been there for quite a while. Then, figuring that I would eventually have to tweet, I reserved my name in Twitter, but have still not tweeted a thing.

But I guess yesterday was "trans Tuesday" on Twitter, which I think is delightful and funny, and someone found me, and now I have followers--so our 22-year-old Web editor at work is going to teach me about Twitter.

Whether or not I can keep up with all the social media is questionable. They say that young people's brains are literally being rewired by the Internet and that they think differently, allowing them to manage all this stuff with ease. My somewhat-solidified brain has been rewired enough that it now remembers to turn the computer on every morning--that's a start.

But regardless of how I feel about being plugged into everything, the Internet, in my opinion, has been an incredible boon for trans people. There are tons of trans-specific groups on Facebook, and just the information alone out there that trans people now have access to is staggering.

When I was young, if we wanted to find information, we had to go to the library. Obviously, there would be nothing in the school library about trans or gay stuff, and the Dewey Decimal System was probably pretty trans-unfriendly (I don't know--I never tried to look).

Trans people in small towns were completely isolated and had no way to connect with others or to get information. Trans youth had nothing to help them figure out what was going on. For years, into adulthood, I thought I was "the only one in the world" who felt the way I did (what an ego!).

One of my earliest trans connections was by e-mail--a trans guy who I now consider to be one of my best friends, even though we don't live in the same state. I'm not sure where or who I would be right now without having had that connection over twelve years ago--and I had just started to use the Internet then.

There are still trans people in the United States and around the world who don't have access to the Internet. It's unfortunate that all this information and all these connections are out there and people can't get to them. But for those who can, it's been tremendous.

For many people, taking that first step--trying to get information or reach out to someone, even on the Internet--is terrifying. I'm just glad that there are so many people out there now that are available and accessible.

I don't know how much you'll see me on Twitter, but I'm glad it's there, and I hope that it's helping someone who still thinks they might be "the only one in the world" connect to all the others.
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The Testosterone Files by Max Wolf Valerio

I met Max Wolf Valerio for the first time last week, although I have known about his existence for over twelve years, when I first started dealing with my gender issues.

His book, The Testosterone Files: My Hormonal and Social Transformation from Female to Male, is the story of his own transition and his own very personal, very interesting, sometimes funny, and sometimes painful experiences and observations about transition, testosterone, and gender roles and expectations in our culture.

Max is a great guy, which I discovered when I met him, and he is a traditionally masculine man, which makes his initial impact on me, years ago, a little ironic.

The first time I saw Max was in Loren Cameron's Body Alchemy: Transsexual Portraits, which is where I first became familiar with several well-known trans men, including James Green. But as I was flipping through the pages, I was well aware that none of these men was really like me--in their "before" photos, they were already exhibiting the "masculine" traits of the men they would become.

At that time, I was still very feminine and very female. Although seeing that book made me realize that what I wanted was possible, I still felt very different from the people I was seeing--until I turned a page and saw a very beautiful, very defiant, long-haired female with dangling earrings looking back at me.

In my mind, this person was "feminine." In my mind, this person was like me. And then I saw the "after" picture--Max Valerio. And I realized that this could happen for someone like me as well.

I told Max that story when I met him. I wanted him to know the how his presence in that book had affected me. It turns out that he was not so feminine as his picture might have indicated, but that didn't matter. The important thing was that it was there when I needed it, and I imposed on that photo what I needed to at the time.

We all go through life not realizing that something we might consider to be insignificant or nonexistent could have a huge impact on someone else's life. Max said he was glad that he was able to help me in that way. He didn't care that I had brought my own "stuff" to what I was seeing. We all bring our own stuff to whatever we see or read, and that's what makes it so significant to us.

We had a fantastic conversation, he is a wonderful guy, and I was so glad to be able to meet him after all these years. If you haven't read his book, I would encourage you to add it to your collection. He's a great writer and a very interesting person.

The more FTM voices that people are able to experience, the more visible we become, and our memoirs are one of the best ways for people to get to know us and to discover the diversities and the commonalities in the FTM experience.
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'Tranny fierceness' and 'tranny messes': should I be offended?

For the first time, a gay and trans dance group will be featured on Randy Jackson Presents America's Best Dance Crew on MTV. Vogue Evolution is a group of five "vogue dancers" who will be competing for the title.

Leiomy Maldonado (far left in photo), who is in the process of transitioning from male to female, is the one we'll have our eye on when the show kicks off this Sunday, August 9 at 9 p.m. ET.

I do know who Randy Jackson is (I used to watch American Idol before my 30-year-0ld TV broke), and Dance Crew is a very popular show, so I wish this group all the luck and congratulate them on breaking new ground and being very visible in their identities. I also congratulate Randy Jackson and his judges for choosing them to compete.

But here's the question that I don't know how to answer: Vogue Evolution's press release bills them as "Fierce Tranny Voguers" (well, one of them, that we know of, is trans). My boss asked me the other day if that offended me--the "fierce tranny" part. The truth is that I don't know.

A couple of years ago, the big thing was "hot tranny mess." It was from a TV show, and for a while, it was the hip phrase of the day (or year). Everybody was saying it at work--"Oh, she's a hot tranny mess" or "This is just a hot tranny mess." I had no idea whether I should have been offended or not.

I don't normally use the word "tranny," although I do on occasion--mostly with my close friends as a joke when I'm talking about myself or if I'm being sarcastic. I would never use it seriously as a way to describe a trans person.

I'm honestly not sure what it means in the context of a "fierce tranny voguer" or a "hot tranny mess." (Give me a break--in my day, we said "groovy," "tuff" and--a word that has survived the ravages of time--"cool.")

So that's exactly what I told my boss: "I don't know if I'm offended or not, because I don't know, in that context, what it means." So I guess if I don't know, then there's no offense to be had. Why force myself to be offended because it seems like I should be?

So, trans readers, clue me in, please. Are "hot tranny mess" and "fierce tranny voguers" offensive terms to you? Should we be glad that we're finally hip? Or does this have nothing to do with us? And if it has nothing to do with us, then what's the "tranny" part all about?

Regardless, check out the show, and if you like Vogue Evolution, vote for them. It would be great to have some "fierce tranny voguers" win the competition.

(Photo: Vogue Evolution, courtesy of MTV)
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In the News: Mercedes Newbiggin

To say that Mercedes Newbiggin is "in the news" is a little bit of an understatement.

A Google search for either Rob Newbiggin (her current name) or Mercedes Newbiggin brings up pages and pages of newspaper stories, blogs posts, twitter posts, and hundreds of other references to her situation.

Some are positive, some are negative, and some are just curious and questioning. With all the information that is out there about gender identity, transgender people, and transsexual people, the Internet universe is still abuzz when someone of note announces a gender transition.

I can't say that I'm any different--I have quite a long post and a slideshow of photos at Examiner.com, and I'm writing this. But even so, I can't help but feel that people have gotten a little carried away.

I think the thing that has everyone so abuzz is that Rob Newbiggin is a boxer, and although there are plenty of female boxers in the world, the sport still has a solid foothold in male-only territory--and in the concept of uber-masculinity. That's not sweat they're wiping off that guy's forehead--he's dripping testosterone! So it's a huge surprise to (almost) everyone when someone with such a "masculine" persona comes out.

Trans people know that a person's masculinity or femininity prior to transition has nothing to do with that person's gender identity. A boxer coming out as trans is about as much of a surprise to us as Newt Gingrich disagreeing with President Obama.

But the rest of the world just doesn't get it. Rob Newbiggin, who will fight for the last time as male on August 14, is in for a tough bout that night--even if he wins, I have concerns about how kind the audience and the media will be to him.

As for Mercedes, I have been in communication with her, and I wish her all the luck in the world. It will not always be easy--and already being a public figure will make it that much more difficult. She has a public past to contend with, and it will be a while before that goes away.

But she'll be okay--she's a fighter. And aren't we all?

(Photo: Mercedes Newbiggin)
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Transgender Warriors by Leslie Feinberg

If you've been in the trans community for any length of time, you are familiar with Leslie Feinberg and have probably read Transgender Warriors: Making History from Joan of Arc to Dennis Rodman. If you are just joining our community, or are not trans, but wanting to learn more about the topic, then I encourage you to read this book.

Feinberg was one of the first people I became aware of when I entered the trans community, and Transgender Warriors was one of the first books I read. The importance of this book was that it gave me a sense of history around "my people." It gave me a sense of identity and community beyond the obvious and the "trans in the news" kind of stuff. It really helped ground me as far as having a trans identity.

I think trans history is extremely important for trans people, and maybe even more so for non-trans people. Because so many of us are out now, many non-trans people tend to see this as some sort of modern phenomenon--something in the water or something that a group of us just decided to do to annoy everyone else.

Those of us who are trans know that this is something that is seen in every culture, in every population, throughout history, regardless of how that culture defines gender and sex. I think even people who have transitioned and do not have a trans identity can benefit from a historical perspective of their experience.

Feinberg has written many books, articles, and compilations--this one, plus Stone Butch Blues, Trans Liberation: Beyond Pink or Blue, Drag King Dreams, Transgender Liberation: A Movement Whose Time Has Come, Rainbow Solidarity: In Defense of Cuba, and Lavender & Red, a work in progress. This year, ze was awarded the Lambda Literary Foundation's Pioneer Award. Years from now, when a book is written about this period of our history, Feinberg will be featured prominently.

And not only is Feinberg a fine writer, but ze is one of the most gracious people I have ever met. A year into my transition, I was asked to introduce Feinberg at the Colorado Gold Rush conference. I was incredibly nervous--not because I was speaking publicly, but because I was introducing this legend. I asked hir what pronoun I should use in the introduction. I knew that ze had gone by male pronouns at points in the past, and by gender neutral pronouns, but I had always used "he" when referring to hir.

Feinberg laughed and said, "Thank you for asking. What pronoun do you want to use?"

I said, "Well, I've always thought of you as 'he.'"

Feinberg said, "Then use 'he.'"

And I did.

Feinberg uses gender neutral pronouns at all times now, as far as I know, so might not be as open to gendered pronouns as ze was eleven years ago, but hir acceptance of my comfort level at the time and hir willingness to let me see hir as I wanted to and needed to at that time is an example of the type of person that I have found Leslie Feinberg to be.

For that, and for all the work that Feinberg has done in hir life, I am definitely grateful.
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Trans for a living: pitfalls and payoffs

This weekend, I went to the Renaissance Festival with my gay, non-trans best friend, and then we watched movies afterward at his house. For an entire day, I did not turn on the computer, did not write posts, did not do work for my newspaper, and did not consciously think about being trans, except for bathroom breaks, when he is in and out with the flash of a zipper and then has to wait for me outside while I pull everything down and get everything hiked back up again. It was really nice and I needed the break.

In reality, I'm always aware that I'm trans--24/7. It's not always at the forefront of my mind--I don't wake up every morning and think, "Oh, still trans." But it's just there with me--part of a sense of self. I don't know if it's like this for other trans people (you tell me). There are certain times when I'm more aware of it than others, like:

1. When I have to go to the bathroom, find a stall with a door, and take everything down while my friend unzips, zips, and presto--done.

2. When I have to produce my ID at a bar or tell someone my age and I am well aware that I don't look like other 54-year-old men.

3. When I have to fill my testosterone prescription.

4. When I have to have a GYN exam.

5. When I'm with any group of male-born men and am always one beat off of the conversation because I don't quite understand their methods of communicating and don't always think their insider jokes are funny (I was like this with women when I was female, too, so maybe it's just me--always out of sync).

But I'm trans for a living, so it behooves me to be aware of my transness. Some of the things I do--this blog, my Examiner.com column, some local speaking engagements at very small functions--I do for the love of it. I love to write, I love to speak, and of course, you need readers and listeners to make those two activities worthwhile.

But I am also manage the Colorado GLBT newspaper, and I do several paid speaking gigs a year, none of which I would be doing if I wasn't trans--so I'm a "professional trans person." I wouldn't do any of this stuff if I didn't inherently love it, and I'm lucky to be able to make a living doing what I would want to do anyway (it's a very modest living--if you read me all the time, you know that I live in a one-bedroom apartment with no working television set--but I eat and have a roof over my head, so I'm satisfied).

I chose to be out as trans and I chose to pursue these various monetary and non-monetary activities, so I have no complaint. I really do like my life. But once in a while, I just need a break. I need to get away for a day and do something where "being trans" is not expected of me. When I have that break, I'm ready to start back up again.

But that makes me wonder about trans people who aren't trans for a living, but are still forced to confront their trans status all the time--such as in situations similar to those listed above, or when well-meaning (?) people want to ask a zillion questions and expect detailed answers (and won't be satisfied with anything less than a genitalia slide show).

My life is an open book--literally. I wrote a book and I have another waiting to be assembled. I speak about my private parts like I was talking about the weather. I write about issues that come up in the community that I have an opinion about. I made conscious decisions every step of the way, I love what I do and I love being trans, but it still can get a little overwhelming sometimes.

When you didn't make those conscious decisions, or when your decisions involved just the opposite--not to be a full-time trans person--but you are constantly put in that position anyway, what do you do? How do you get a break? Do you need one? I'd love to hear.

(Photo: me getting my fortune told at the Renaissance Festival last year--she told me I wouldn't have a fortune and she was right! Amazing.)
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